||[Feb. 7th, 2010|01:44 am]
|||||The Script - Breakeven||]|
Wow! I haven't posted an actual entry since last summer and boy has my life CHANGED since then. It will probably come out longer than I want it to be, but I feel like I need to describe everything relevant that's happened since then so that in a few years I can look back and reminisce.
At the time I wrote my last entry I had 3 goals in life.
For starters, my last entry was posted a couple of weeks before graduation. MAN! God knows the whole time I was in college I spent every waking second just dying to get it over with. I survived through college based on loans, scholarships, and sacrificing a whole bunch of things. For the longest time it was such a big burden that the only thing that kept me motivated was solely the thought of myself in graduation day. Well, that moment finally became true in late September and I can assure you, that very moment when my name was called and I was heading towards the stage to get my diploma, with my family cheering behind me, made it worth EVERY second I spent struggling in college. I felt soo accomplished that nothing else mattered for weeks! Truly one of the best moments of my entire life. Goal #1: ACCOMPLISHED
Now graduation was in September, but college officially ended in June 30th. The VERY next day, I was hired by the university where I did my internship so pretty much I don't know what unemployment is...yet. The fact that they hired me immediately after finishing college majorly boosted my ego because I thought to myself "damn I must be good if they hire me right away".
That job was amazing. I made a whole bunch of new friends, learned an even bigger bunch of new things, developed plenty of skills, and most importantly, it taught me discipline.
But not only that. It also changed my life in a way I didn't expect. In late August, I was given an assignment that required me to stay out of town for 2 weeks, by myself, with people from all over the country. That was the first taste of independence I ever had, even though all expenses were paid and I was given all meals a day and I didn't have to worry about laundry or cleaning lmao. For the first time, I knew what it was like to live parent-free. Interacting with different people from different places also helped me put A LOT of things in perspective. It's hard to describe it but knowing all those different points of view helped me vanquish some demons I had, and it helped me figure out what I want from life and what I do not want from life.
I came back from that assignment soo rejuvenated that you could see it in my face. People would ask me what I did that I looked soo different lol.
After that, and after graduation, everything went by relatively smoothly for a couple months until my boss got fired, which at first seemed like a bad thing but eventually led to an amazing thing. After he got fired, he naturally started looking for other jobs, turning in applications at a whole bunch of places and luckily he found a job pretty fast. Fortunately for me, one of the companies he applied to, called him a little after he was hired by another one, so he said he was sorry but couldn't accept the offer, BUTTT that he was willing to recommend someone just as capable for the position (me). They did listen to his recommendation and called me for a job interview. Everything went fine, I did good on every step of the interview, and they offered me a job...IN ANOTHER CITY...14 hours from where I was. I couldn't believe it. Could this be the opportunity I've always been waiting on? Could I finally be able to move out, live on my own and be independent which is what I had wanted for YEARS? I was reluctant, with a ton of hesitation and fear, but I accepted. I couldn't believe it, it was happening! I started saying goodbye to friends and family, packing my things and bulding up a lot of hope and optimism to start my new life...and so here I am today, in a whole new city, paying bills, having to cook and do laundry, worrying about surviving until the next paycheck comes...and I LOVE IT! Goal #2: ACCOMPLISHED
The only thing left is goal #3 which is becoming increasingly clear that it will never be accomplished. That is, finding a stable relationship with someone I like and likes me back. The closest thing I got is this dude from Guanajuato, but I detailed that in my past entry so I'll skip that part. I am just tired of dating people I'm just not interested in. It's like why waste my time, money and energy with someone that's just not what I need. Every guy I meet that's interested in me turns out to be incompatible or an asshole or both. I've come to the conclusion I'm doing somthing wrong and that I'm in a fucking cycle I need to get out of, but I just don't know how. I'm only 23, and life is anything but predictable, so I'm trying not to let it get me down, I guess I'll just have to wait and see if goal #3 is doable, or if I'm gonna have to start considering getting cats so I don't have to die alone.